No More Coffee!

I must admit to having nothing short of a love affair with that earthy dark force of life called coffee. He held me strong indeed but I have once again wrenched myself from his grasp in an attempt to be independent. For those of you who have never tried to quit drinking coffee, let me attempt to explain the sheer agony of such an endeavor. The first day you wake up and go about your day as normal, ignoring that nagging in the back of your mind that you are overlooking something of infinite importance. You shake it off knowing full well what you are missing but choosing to shove it to the innermost recesses of your memory. Very soon your actions, and words begin to slow down. The inspiration of your life is not there to spur you on and things just get tough. Towards the end of the day you begin to feel a dull aching behind your eyes. This very well could be a result of fighting back tears of loss all day long. Who really knows? You end up going to bed early in an effort to shut the loss out of your memory. Sleep sweet sleep. It doesn't help. Instead you dream of Coffee all night, the café’s you’ve sat in together, the road trips you have taken together, the beautiful times of communion with Jesus that you spent together morning after morning. The love of Coffee torments the soul. But wait! Day two begins.....I feel like I am dying, for real. It's as if somehow in the night my whole pillow got stuffed through my ears into my head. The dull throb of little men with jack hammers in my head won't stop and my whole body is shaking. I drag myself out of bed only to drive an hour and a half to a staff meeting in the dreary land of Cascade. The whole meeting seems to be conducted in monotone, the small amount of sunlight that exists in Cascade is glaring in my eyes and the normally adorable Sadie won't stay off me. I eventually tell my leader that I just can't find a reason to care about anything he is saying to me. I head home and sleep the rest of the day away to escape the agony. Well people, let me tell you, I am very thankful that I am now on day 4 of "No More Coffee". Life is looking up again, the sun is shining in Boise and the birds sing to me, yes, to ME! One day I may meet Coffee again, but for now, he is a pleasantly distant memory......except when I wake up in the morning and my roomate has just brewed a fresh pot of smooth Goldcoast and has French Vanilla creamer. AAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!

The Hines

Look at this cutie face! No, not mine, Tristan's. i just spent some days in Salem, OR with my mom's cousin Gary and his wife Susan and their little cutie patutie. Do you have people in your life that you rarely see but when you do it is as if no time has passed? Not only that, but the second you see them you have your hearts layed out on your sleeve with no reservations whatsoever. This is Gary and Susan Hines. I don't think they posses the ability to have surface level conversations. There is no holding back, just dive into the murky, muddy mess of lives and get to the root of it all. I was blessed by them in so many ways as I spent time with them. Even just ears that wanted to hear my struggles and confusion that can sometimes come with a life of serving God. So Gary and Susan, thanks for the love, the talks, the coffee, the baby love, the realness, the comfy bed, THE CAMERA! and so much more.

at the conference

Hey there. If your reading this, please take a minute and pray for me right now! I am at a fundraising seminar in Salem Oregon and it is going great. God is teaching me all kinds of wonderful new things. But I just keep feeling attack after attack from the enemy. Everything from body things to emotional things to questioning God's call on my life. So pray that I will really hear everything the Lord wants to share with me this week, that I will be like a spunge just soaking it all up and that I will be able to enjoy the beauty around me and the old friends who are here. Pray for protection for me and the others doing the seminar. Love you all! Blessings, Felicia

Fund Raising is Fun!

Do you ever find that you begin something with such dreading and reluctance only to find that very thing turn into such a wonderful journey of blessing and joy? Well, that is where I find myself at now. 2 weeks ago I was telling people that I HAVE to go to a dreadfully boring support raising conference in Salem, OR. Now I am telling people with great excitement about the incredible conference I have the PRIVILEGE of attending in Salem. I am part way through the book that I need to read as part of my preliminary homework for the conference. The book is called "Funding Your Ministry" by Scott Morton. Every sentance seems to be an enlightening gem of truth that I only wish I had known before I became a full time missionary. Scott talks about how I am not asking people to support me but I am asking people to give to what God is doing through me. He talks about the importance of praying on a daily basis for the people that make up my support team because they are just as much a part of what I do as I am. We all work together for God's glory. There is so much good truth in this book it's incredible. I am working through the bible study in the appendix about biblical support raising. The first section of the study is about "calling", how different people in the bible were called into ministry by the Lord and taking a look back at how I was called and what I was called too. I was asked to write down the scriptures that guide me, the ones that the Lord has used to call me out into His service. As I look back at God's leading and direction in my life I am so excited to go forward on this amazing adventure with Him! So check out my life scriptures and be blessed to be used of the Lord no matter who you are and what you do. Gen 1:27, Isa 61:1-3 & Rev 7:9

El Salvador

Oh man, I am terrible at updating ya'll on what is going on in my life.
EL SALVADOR! It was wonderful. I had such a fun time with my dad and the team. There were 8 of us ranging from 27 to 55ish years old. the team built 2 houses while we were there as well as installing water filter's on 5 huge water tanks that are for use by the community. I didn't do alot of the physical work on the house but spent alot of time just talking to the local people in the village and translating for the other team members. My brain was so full of spanish by the time the trip was over! Ok, that was just a very quick update for now. More soon. Peace my friends!

A New Home

God is the coolest all the time! Last week as I drove to college group at my church in Boise I told my mom over the phone that she needed to pray for a place for me to live up in Cascade because I would be heading back up there 2 days later and still had no where to go. I got to college group which is held in the house across the street from the church. This house is the parsonage of Boise Valley Christian Communion (BVCC), my church. As people were milling around in the living room, pastor Montie came in and made an announcment that they needed someone to come live in that house free of rent for the next couple months. My heart lept at the thought of living in Boise with all my dear friends and everyone else seemed to think it was a good idea as all eyes turned on me. To make a long story short, I checked with my leadership and everything has worked out perfectly for me to remain in Boise for the time being. I am able to do the work I need to through phone and email and driving up to Cascade once a week for staff meetings. Being able to live in Boise is freeing me up to get involved in a few things I have had on my heart since I first moved to Idaho, one is the Boise rescue Mission, and the other is my church here in Boise. I have already been able to help out at the church a bunch and am looking forward to getting even more involved. I have also talked with one of the men that runs the Boise Rescue Mission and it seems there will be alot of opportunity for me to serve them during my time down here. For more information on them and their ministry, check out www.boiserescuemission.org . Other than that I am busy working on the next YWAM Idaho newsletter as well as following up with prospective DTS students for our fall school. It has been so nice to have alot of tie on my hands to be in the word and read, read, read. I love it! So praise God for once again taking care of all the details better than I could ever hope to do.

New Life

New season, new look. I decided I needed to change the look of my blog from the dark deathy feel to something new and fresh and full of life. It's a bit of a reflection on where I came from to where I am now. It's just how I feel in my spirit. As much as I love the nation of India, there is the penetrating darkness that gets in everything, especially your heart. I have spent the past week in Boise with some dear friends relaxing and basically having no agenda whatesoever. It's been beautiful. I feel like I can breathe again and like something new is growing in my heart. I'm not quite sure what is growing, but it's likely to be something amazing. I have been reading "Hinds Feet On High Places" this past week. it is the story of a girl named "Much Afraid". She sets out on a journey to the high places with her constant companions Sorrow and Suffering. They help her along the way as well as the Shepard who she can call for at any time. I have seen many times through out the book that God has so faithfully brought me through many of the trials that Much Afraid must go through to reach the high places of glory with the kind Shepard. God is so faithful to provide what we need when we need it. Even though it is just a book, I have been able to cling to the lessons God has taught me as he has taken me through both low and high places . This is what I need when I am in yet another transition phase where I so easily tend to start doubting God's call on my life to take people to the nations and GO to the nations. I look forward to what God is growing in my heart next.

Pad Thai Please!

Let's talk about food for a moment, let's talk specifically about Thai food shall we? I've just spent 4 of the most gloriously culinary fulfilling days in the great city of Bangkok. As I write I appear to be pregnant from the amount of delicious Pad Thai and Thai tea that is filling my belly. Earlier today I feasted on the most incredibly delicious sushi, the freshest I have ever had. I somehow feel sorry for the poor shmucks in my team that have wasted precious cultural meals by giving into the lust of McDonalds, Pizza Hut and the like. Why waste your money? Not much else has happened while here in Bangkok other than the customary market visits and pool time. I feel like I have barely even touched the surface of this amazing culture and I certainly have not even attempted to figure out anything about the people of Thailand in the short time I have been here. But I am left yet again in awe at another beautiful people and culture that God has created. I am thirsting for more. God bless Thailand, she has been good to me.

It's been awhile and too much has happend to catch up with. There seems to have been alot of heartbreak lately. I was in a village where a few of us found this precious little girl named Regeni. We thought she was a baby of about a year and half old. But as we treated a gaping wound on her forehead that was infested with flies, we learned that she was actually 5 years old. this little girl had lost her mother at the age of 4 months and been left to lay in the dirt by her father for the past 5 years. Her grandmother does all she can to care for her but is so blind and frail that she can hardly care for herself. Regeni's perfectly healthy, cared and provided for 6 year old brother attepmts to give her food sometimes. But she is so terribly malnutritioned and full of worms as a result of eating dirt that there is little to be done. When I picked her frail little body up I could feel her lungs rattling every time she sucked air into them. We were broken and ready to do anything to help her. But the greatest tragedy is that her family refused to let us help. Refused to let us pay for a doctor or even bring a doctor to the village. The situation became dangerous as tempers and words flaired and we were forced to leave the village. Now all we can do is pray. It seems like so little yet I know it is so much. I actually pray for Regeni to be in the arms of her heavenly Father, free from her suffering.
Suffering, such a prevalent thing in this place. I have a friend Onita who lives at the Mother Theresa house. A few weeks ago I held her while she writhed in pain as my friend Silvina dug worms and magots from her open wounds. Onita is healing so well now and her smile is returning. Her body is still skinny beyond what you can imagine. But as I sang a Christina Aguilera song to her yesterday about how beautiful she is, she couldn't stop grinning. It was truly beautiful. Onita bonita, it rhymes so well. Still more suffering. I lost my Aunty Pam. I really love that woman. But as my mama said, she has gone home to be with the Lord, she is done with earthly pain and suffering, no more for her, only paradise and praising the Lord. Yes my heart aches and my tears have been my food for days now but I will yet put my hope in the Lord and lead the people into the house of the Lord with shouts of joy and singing.

Smells Like Curry

My hand that is. I know it sounds sick, but my right hand has this permanent odor of curry wafting around it that I just can't seem to scrub away. It kind of cracks me up how I indulge in the guilty pleasure of eating with my hands with such gusto. At every meal time I find myself glancing around to make sure dad isn't going to get on my case for not having proper manners. Hee hee. Well, ministry has finally been picking up since we got through the busyness of Christmas and trying to move house for the YWAM base director here. Yesterday I spent some time at the Mother Theresa house here in Kanpur. It houses mentally and physically handicapped adults. I was able to help my nurse friend Silvina dress a womans wound. This woman Onita who I was able to pick up with one arm has an open wound 10 inches long down the front part of her right leg across her foot and under the foot. Her bone is completely exposed all the way down as are the bnoes in the side of her foot and her pinky toe. Last week Silvina dug magots and worms out of the wound for a half hour with tweezers. This week the wound was much better and we only needed to clean it. I spent some time helping Onita move her legs. She needs to do this because her feet are completely swollen due to a lack of movment. I feel such a burden to help the faithful nuns who are so overwhelmed with to much to do and not enough time to properly take care of their patients.
I have still not had the chance to visit my friend Soni who I met when I was last in India. Soni's husband had tried to burn her alive so that he could getanew wife. Silvina and I found her and got her into a hospital where she was able to recover somewhat. Silvina told me that Soni's throat is much worse though. The burns fused her chin and neck together and she needs an operation to seperate them but of course her family can't afford it. Please pray for Onita and Soni. I am looking forward to spending more time with them and sharing more about my Jesus with both ladies.
So new years day I got to go to a party with a bunch of Hindu college students. It was unlike any college party I could have ever imagined. Think ballons, musical chairs, guys dancing like monkeys, a 70's dance floor complete with color block lights, hindi dance mix and chowmein. Very junior high in some ways. Happy New Year!

In India

I apologize profusely that I have posted nothing for so long. This is the second time I have gotten to an internet cafe since reaching India. Many things have happend. We reached Delhi and our team of 16 promptly started dropping like flies from Delhi Belly(this involves alot of diahrea and some ocasional vomiting) We went to catch our train to Varanasi where we were to do a week of Hindu/cultural studies We missed our train and had to rebook tickets for the next day while a Hinu holy man cast spells on us. We pulled out the guitars and had a time of worship in the train station to make him run away. And scurry he did. Worship has got to be the best spiritual warfare. The ext day as we were going to the train station to catch our train, I fell down the stairs in the hotel with my 50 lb pack on. I sprained my foot badly and could not walk. Meanwhile we had 2 students with dangerously high fevers. Us three sicko's, another guy leader and our very own nurse Lydia ended up staying back at that hideous hotel for another three days while the rest of the team continued on to Varanasi. Prayers were felt as the train ride was terrible with one of the students passing out. It was a good thing that I sprained my ankel because I ended up getting very sick that night and throwing up constantly for the next 3 days. They're baaaack!I never fully got rid of all the parasites and they have come to stay for now. Pray for my body please. We finally all came together again in Varanasi where I fell head over heels in love with India. Everyone told me it was a terribly heavy place spiritually, a place where people go to die. Somehow despite that I found it magical, the stuff of legends. Now our team is in Kanpur where we will be the rest of the time. Today we had a time of ministry in a school which was wonderful. tonight we will join a home group for a time of Christmas celebration. Other than that we are just getting settled in our new home, all of the girls are looking very Indian in their new clothes. Thank you for your prayers and love everybody!

So Much To Tell

The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions and circumstances for me. It started out with the joy of driving to my Grandparents house in southern BC for Thanksgiving. I got to relax for a few days and spend precious time with my parents and other family members. I even got a little early Christmas in when grandpa and I drove into the woods to cut down a Christmas tree. We found a beautiful tree and brought it back to the house where grandma and I decorated it as well as the house. Being at G & G’s also brought bad news though, news of my Aunt Pam’s worsening condition as she battles cancer a second time round. It was hard news to take right before I am leaving the continent for a couple months. The news just seemed to get worse as I returned to the states. When I crossed the border (without a hitch, praise the Lord) I had two messages on my phone from one of my best girlfriends, Kristin. She sounded very upset in them and said I needed to call her right away. By the time I finally got a hold of her every terrible scenario that could possibly happen to anyone in her immediate or extended family, all of who I am really close to, had gone through my head. I was a basket case. And on top of that I had to stop at a clinic to get vaccinated for my trip. Hep A & B in my right arm, tetanus & typhoid in my left. Needless to say I was not looking forward to driving 7 hours while my left arm felt like it would fall off. Finally Kristin caught me on my phone while I was in Target in Coeur d’Alene. The news was bad but not what I had imagined. Our friend and old roommate Sarita Determan had lost her very long battle with anorexia and bulimia and gone to be with the Lord. Sarita had been shopping with her father the day after Thanksgiving when she had a heart attack (anorexia eventually causes the heart to shut down). This news was crushing, heart breaking, maddening, so many emotions welled up in me as I talked and cried on the phone with Kristen. I had an extremely emotional day as I drove and drove with only my thoughts to keep me company. I got back to the base only to step into a stress filled environment that stressed me out. The count down to outreach was upon us and we were feeling the crunch as students still needed more money to be able to go to India and there were so many little details that had to be taken care of. On Wednesday night I got a call from Ben & Kristin. They said they were buying me a plane ticket to fly to Seattle for Sarita’s funeral and needed to know when I could leave. HA! If that didn’t raise the stress level. Well, I flew off to Seattle for a few sweet days with my angel faced Kristin. The funeral was really good, such an honoring time of Sarita and the Lord although hard in the face of circumstances. I found myself so angry at the waste of it all. Even though Sarita loved Jesus with every bit of her tiny body, she was eventually crushed by what began as lies from the enemy and eventually controlled her. She will be dearly missed.

This One's For You Kyle

It's true, I haven't updated my blog as faithfully as I would have liked. I promise that I will work on that. So tonight my dear friend's Arne and Hannah Elmore drove up to Cascade to make real authentic curry's for the DTS. We had an incredible feast that was all provided by the Lord. Because we are at the end of lecture phase, we are sort of out of money to buy extra food stuff. Because of that we couldn't get the stuff we needed to make a nice curry dinner. In the end one of the student's parents donated a sack of potatoes and 5 pounds of elk meat (you know you live in Cascade when every freezer is stocked with elk meat for the winter and every front porch is stacked to the roof with firewood). We were able to rustle up a few more things that were needed and the humble train station we are now living in soon smelled like the essence of India. It is amazing how something can smell so good while it is cooking in the house, but the moment you step out of the house to run to the store, you seem to smell like the worst B.O ever? Christmas seems to have started early here in Cascade. Maybe it has something to do with the 2 feet of snow we've already had. The snow caused lights and holiday decorations to spring up almost over night in this quaint little town. I'm blessed to have Christmas now seeing as I will miss it in December.

Let It Snow

I wish I had a picture to post of the winter wonderland that I am living in right now. I can hardly believe it. Every time I walk out of my cabin I feel like Lucy stepping out of the wardrobe. If you don't know what I am talking about then you need to read "The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe". It seems that Christmas has started earlier than usual this year but I don't mind, seeing as I will once again miss snowy Christmas in a western nation. Last night I stood outside looking up at the bejewled sky while I listened to the call of an elk. It was really majestic and made me cry at the wonder of creation and that every sound, smell, gust of wind even was orchestrated for me by my Father. God is good.

Devastation Is Hard To Swallow

Devastation is all around but somehow hope seems to abound. As each car pulls into this church parking lot that has blossomed into a fullblown disaster relief center, I am struck over and over again by the strong smiles on each person's face. Yesterday I was helping a woman out to her car with all the food items she had picked out as well as some bags we had filled with sheets, blankets, towels and silverware for her. This woman was one of the many who had "LOST EVERYTHING" written across her sign in form. As I picked up one of the bags to put it in my wheelbarrow a box of brand new pots and pans was revealed sitting there with her other bags. This precious womans reaction was to cover her mouth and whisper, "oh Lord, pots and pans." She said it with such awe in her voice and tears began to run down her face. My heart was so broken for her and we just stood there in that relief center hugging and crying over pots and pans. We were two people from totally different walks of life who had never created a single memory together but the love of the Lord brought us together like sisters. Every day I talk to people and hug perfect strangers who offer up a brave smile and share their deep heart pain with me. They tell me about the family members they buried or how the Lord has blessed them by sparing their family despite the loss of everything else. These people are my heroes even though they keep telling me I am their hero for coming and helping them. I haven't done anything and I wish I could do everything. Prayer feels futile until I see the peace it brings to thier faces

Into The Great Outdoors

For 5 days we hiked into the wilderness, carrying everything we needed on our backs. Our destination was a group of the most crystal clean, pristine lakes I have ever seen. Almost untouched by humans. As we went we meditated on the character and nature of God and how His creation spoke to us. I loved every single second of it. There is nothing on earth like being in the middle of God's creation, raw, rugged and breath-takingly beautiful. I feel more alive than in any other place, I am faced by my littelness and thrilled by my ability to survive. My body hurts at first and then becomes strong and invincible.
One morning we awoke to find a winter wonderland around us. The lake we were camped beside was a frosted jewel reflecting the ice blue sky. As we hiked that day the sun warmed our skin and quickly melted the snow.Later when we returned to base camp I found a perfect cliff to jump off of into the previously frosted lake. The clouds reflected on the lake creating the illusion of jumping into the sky.
If I had it my way, the DTS would backpack once a month, life would be heavenly. The trip really brought us all so close together as a team, we became more than a team, but a family, fighting for each other and encouraging every step of the way.














Here is the team on our way back out of the wilderness



I hope you appreciate my 5 year old crouch stance, the braided pig tails and my stuck out tongue as I clean my dinner

Back In Action

DTS is here! I am back to happy, joyful once more, life is good again. i have been blessed with a wonderful group of students and God is working already! the weather has been remarkable everyday. God has shown his glory to us through the sun and the warmth, as well as the crisp clear air and the frost that greets us in the morning. we have been learning about the Father Heart of God and Rob Meyer has been our speaker. though i have heard his lectures many times, Christ speaks to me in a new way every time. it is also good to just be reminded of what my fathers heart is for me and how i can grow closer to Him. i went running for the first time in a long time yesterday and made it back to the base alive! i was not attacked by any wild cougars or wolves.... though there were A TON of dead gartner snakes on the road! i couldn't believe it! ok, that is all i have for you this time!

im outie,
<3 Felicia

Why I Love Country Again

I spent 10 hours driving through the middle of nowhere country on Sunday and came to the conclusion that country music is what holds this great nation together. Well, I'm sure that's not all it is. But as I listened to never ending country stations that were always clear, I heard normal people singing about normal things. They sang about their faith in God and they also sang about falling in love and having family's, the familiartiy of life in a small town and even the occaisonal mess up that we all have. It was real, raw and nice to know that people across the land are blessed and struggle with the same things. Yes, it is true, I have fallen back into the twangy pit of country music with a vengance.
Moving along, I had a wonderful weekend/day with my family. Thankfully the day seemed to drag. I think it was one of the only times I was glad to have a slow moving day. On the way to the wedding I was able to see one of my good buddies from my Mexico life in Yakima. So I was pretty much blessed alot over the course of the weekend. Now it is back to work. Fun times

Drive On

I get to see my family!!!!!! I can hardly wait. By tomorrow night I will be with parents, sister, brother in law, Grandma, cousins and aunts and uncles galore. Yippee. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the huge drive from Boise to Penticton and that I don't get to see my bro. It's funny how greater distance makes you miss someone even more. I already love Egypt so much, but now that my brother is there I want to go back more than ever. even as I write this I realize how much Egypt dug it's way into my heart. I definitely love it more than India. Maybe I am so drawn there because my heart is for the Muslim people. Ok, but back to my family. I wish I had more time with them than just one day. I suppose even the one day is blessing enough.

Longing

I captured this picture in a small slum church in Kanpur India. This woman had such an earnest desire to be in the Lord's word. She was captivated by the scriptures as Raju told of Jesus desire to know the deepest parts of her. She makes me think of Mary sitting at Jesus feet, enraptured by his words. I want to be like this, craving more, hungry for Jesus.