The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions and circumstances for me. It started out with the joy of driving to my Grandparents house in southern BC for Thanksgiving. I got to relax for a few days and spend precious time with my parents and other family members. I even got a little early Christmas in when grandpa and I drove into the woods to cut down a Christmas tree. We found a beautiful tree and brought it back to the house where grandma and I decorated it as well as the house. Being at G & G’s also brought bad news though, news of my Aunt Pam’s worsening condition as she battles cancer a second time round. It was hard news to take right before I am leaving the continent for a couple months. The news just seemed to get worse as I returned to the states. When I crossed the border (without a hitch, praise the Lord) I had two messages on my phone from one of my best girlfriends, Kristin. She sounded very upset in them and said I needed to call her right away. By the time I finally got a hold of her every terrible scenario that could possibly happen to anyone in her immediate or extended family, all of who I am really close to, had gone through my head. I was a basket case. And on top of that I had to stop at a clinic to get vaccinated for my trip. Hep A & B in my right arm, tetanus & typhoid in my left. Needless to say I was not looking forward to driving 7 hours while my left arm felt like it would fall off. Finally Kristin caught me on my phone while I was in Target in Coeur d’Alene. The news was bad but not what I had imagined. Our friend and old roommate Sarita Determan had lost her very long battle with anorexia and bulimia and gone to be with the Lord. Sarita had been shopping with her father the day after Thanksgiving when she had a heart attack (anorexia eventually causes the heart to shut down). This news was crushing, heart breaking, maddening, so many emotions welled up in me as I talked and cried on the phone with Kristen. I had an extremely emotional day as I drove and drove with only my thoughts to keep me company. I got back to the base only to step into a stress filled environment that stressed me out. The count down to outreach was upon us and we were feeling the crunch as students still needed more money to be able to go to India and there were so many little details that had to be taken care of. On Wednesday night I got a call from Ben & Kristin. They said they were buying me a plane ticket to fly to Seattle for Sarita’s funeral and needed to know when I could leave. HA! If that didn’t raise the stress level. Well, I flew off to Seattle for a few sweet days with my angel faced Kristin. The funeral was really good, such an honoring time of Sarita and the Lord although hard in the face of circumstances. I found myself so angry at the waste of it all. Even though Sarita loved Jesus with every bit of her tiny body, she was eventually crushed by what began as lies from the enemy and eventually controlled her. She will be dearly missed.
Posts
2 comments:
This past week some close friends of ours lost a baby. They were expecting twins but after the emergency C-section, only one twin made it. A few days later, I sat in a hospital room with the father and his precious little newborn baby; we talked about the grief and loss that they were experiencing. I was blown away. Through the anguish and the heartache he was still trying to see the light and give thanks to God.
Learning to give thanks is not always so easy. During times of grief and loss, the pain threatens to squelch any hopes for a thankful heart. Grief, in its essence, seems to deliver a certain brand of beauty that is shrouded in affliction. It's in these raw times that we learn what it means to really give thanks; because living a generous life always comes at a great cost.
Being a “Christian” is wrapped up in the ability to be generous and live a content and thankful life in all circumstances. Like Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Embedded in these words is the secret of thankfulness—the secret of an overflowing life.
This passage is often misunderstood as a heroic mantra for overcoming insurmountable odds. But Paul didn't mean that he could take on any task and complete it, like passing a killer exam, or building a house, or getting that raise; Paul was speaking directly to the simple art of being thankful and being content in the highs and lows of life. The "all things" that Paul is talking about has to do with the ability to trust God during times of desparation and times of abundance. In both, we are called to connect with the heart of God.
I sat down to talk with my friend at the hospital, on one side, his only newborn daughter slept—connected to a number of machines. On the other side, there was an empty crib, “This is where her sister should be,” he said. He then quoted a few verses that were close to him and said, “I know that God gives, and he takes away,” he paused, “blessed be the name of the Lord.” It wasn’t said lightly, there were tears in the eyes, but it was said as a powerful reminder that God is still there.
In times of loss, in times of need, and in times of plenty—God is there.
In that hospital room filled with premature babies, I learned a little more about the gut-wrenching art of thankfulness. Their holidays will be tainted with sorrow and the bittersweet reality of losing one child while celebrating the life of another, but their hearts are doing their best to pull through.
“Blessed be the name of the Lord,” it still rings in my head.
God gives us the grace to be thankful in every circumstance.
We are truly blessed.
Written by Brian Orme
Felicia you are so so beautiful I just cry when I see you or hear you because I see your heart through your words and your eyes and it's so goregous. I miss you so much. I got used to talking on the phone all the time and now I just go crazy missing you. You're in my prayers and thoughts. Email me, I'll try to be good and check them. Love you!
Post a Comment